Learning about Self Love – I deserve to be Happy

Written by Amanda

February 6, 2020

Spiritual Samaritans

.

I never really knew what love was. I grew up feeling lost and entitled to things that I now know my parents weren’t capable of providing. Things that were not just monetary, but also what was expected of a family unit.

We were a fair-weather religious family, which meant we would only go to Church when it felt as if we were being judged by others. And maybe that is where my concept of Spirit and love initially began. That Spirit’s only purpose was to alleviate what others thought of you, there was no divine reason for existence. Or that love can come and go, it isn’t permanent, and you definitely don’t have it for yourself. An unfortunate concept to grow up with but one that I see reflected in other’s eyes. I knew even as a small child that I wasn’t alone in feeling this way. When you’re raised from one abuse to another, you begin to search them out. Abusers love an easy target.

Even though all my experiences, I still held the belief that this is what I deserved. That Spirit didn’t matter unless it gained you something, that love didn’t truly exist. I didn’t begin to believe in a more prominent pattern until I had my daughter at the age of 19. I was so naïve, so desperate for the meagre scraps of love that I was shown. I thought raising a child with someone would heal that part of me. It didn’t, but it did give me hope. I would carry on regardless of anything.

I would make myself into something worthy enough for this daughter to cling to and depend upon. I went to school at night and worked during the day. I moved from company to company, refining and revising my CV. I was determined. I replaced love and Spirit with work and accomplishments. Even when my mother passed and my father took over our house and kicked my younger brother and us out, I still persevered.

I gave up everything, including myself, to put a roof over our heads and make ends meet. But in all of this was I truly happy? No, the therapeutic high of accomplishing a goal still didn’t fill the emptiness. A workaholic is still an addict… just a more socially acceptable one.

It was in this darkness that I met my husband. He has shown me what love really is. I’ve hurt him, time and again, trying to replicate what I was raised to believe. What I thought was true, that love always leaves, isn’t correct at all. Real love accepts and grows, it flows around you but it cannot leave you. And in the comfort of my husband’s love, I have begun to accept the love of myself. That I am worthy. That Spirit has guided me all along down this path, it gave me the tools to cope. Spirit provided everything I could have needed and will continue to if I only trust in its power and its grace. Now that I am on a path of soulful healing, I cannot explain the immense and overwhelming gratitude I feel to be privy to it. I trust in Spirit and the love it has shown me, and the love I have shown myself.

love and light

Spiritual Samaritans
Your gateway to Spiritual and Holistic Understanding

1 Comment

  1. Sierra

    I love this so much very relatable

    Reply

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Related Articles

HAVE WE REALLY FORGOTTEN HOW TO LISTEN?

HAVE WE REALLY FORGOTTEN HOW TO LISTEN?

So here we are just about to walk out of 2020 and breathing a big sigh of relief, hoping and praying that 2021 is going to bring us hope for the future. We each of us, in our own way, pray to whoever the Divine Source is for you, and hoping that a miracle occurs. We...

read more
Sitting QiGong

Sitting QiGong

We are all taught that we need to exercise for many different reasons, to maintain good health and vitality. When you are reasonably healthy you have many opportunities to choose your form of exercise as part of your daily functions. However, if you are not so...

read more
Are you a Spiritual Seeker?

Are you a Spiritual Seeker?

I was researching a little while ago for my book “Spiritual Awakening – A Self Help Guide”, and to my astonishment I found some people on a Spiritual and Psychic forum complaining that Mediums never share their “secrets”, and I realised there and then that there are...

read more
Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Subscribe To Our Newsletter

Join our mailing list to receive the latest news and updates from our team.

I'm agree with

Thank you for subscribing!